My Aha Moment

I am so proud of myself today. Normally I wouldn't brag or make myself seem so cool but today I sure am. When I was younger, highschool age I was an athlete, well I like to think I was. I played sports, I ran for fun, and I enjoyed being active. I kept this up for awhile and then I had a baby. After Chloe I decided I wouldn't strain myself to get into shape because I knew that I would have another baby and why would I want to ruin my body and blah blah blah. So I joined Gold's, worked out a few times a week and never watched what I ate. As I grew with my second pregnancy, I kept telling myself that I would kick it into gear after she was born, that I would push myself to become that smokin hot mom that I feel inside. So here I am, six months after I have given birth and still thirty pounds overweight. yuck. I tried my p90x and yes it is such a good workout, it is amazingly hard. But the hardest part about it, trying to accomplish it with two children under my care. It never fails that someone needs a drink, needs help, needs a new diaper. I get so out of breath just hitting pause and trying to rejoin my workout that I give up before its over. I looked at a few more gyms and I just haven't found the right fit. Plus when the heck am I going to have time for that. I am full of excess weight, and lots of excuses. So my sister in law challenged me to climb Table Rock with her this morning. In my mind, I thought really what's so hard about that. Then I began to realize that it's not walking, its climbing. After I talked to more people I heard just how hard this was going to be and I started to retract. Brandon thought this was such an amazing thing I was doing. Don't get me wrong, I actually started to like that he was happy I was doing it. So I set my alarm, got up before everyone. Pumped all my milk out and got dressed. I started out okay, sort of staying with the girls. Two of the girls could have jogged all the way up, the other two kept a great pace and I was lagging. I was embarrassed, I was tired, and I couldn't breathe. I kept my headphones on and let Justin Timberlake push me up that hill. Halfway point..... I sat down. Never do this. and we took a few pics and I had this bright flashing light in my eyes. thought about passing out and let the girls go up without me. I sat, and I sat. I looked out into the valley and asked myself, "Self, is this seriously your life." It was one of those moments. I contemplated going down and waiting at the car. How would I feel when they all came down? How dissapointed would I be in myself if I had to tell Brandon that I couldn't finish. I took a good 15 minutes and then I made a choice. One that I never make. No more damn excuses and I started up the hill. I still stopped every so often to breathe but finally no more flashing lights, no more burning thighs. My eyes filled with tears and I realized my life needs to change. I need to be that mom that I feel like I am. The one who can keep up with her kids, who's kids are proud to show to their friends. Terra came and helped push me through that last few climbs, she'll never know how much that meant to me. Now I know I didn't climb Everest, but this was my Everest. This was what I needed to show myself that Yes, I can do what I want. I Can push myself and I can complete something I started. We took our picture at the top by the cross and I thanked the good Lord above for giving me the courage to stand up to my toughest critict..... Me. xoxo



ps, the way down is wayyyyy easier than they way up!