happily ever after

Not sure how silly I am really being but I am freaked out and the only way to calm my anxiety is to blog about it. I don't really use my blog for anything but to tell you about how cute my kids are, or how great things are going (usually) but tonight I am having some troubles. So Chloe is going in for dental surgery in the morning. I can't help but feel totally responsible for her seven cavaties. Even if the dentist has told me a hundred times that it could be caused from a number of things, as a mom you are the one who is supposed to protect them. From everything. Especially from pain and I feel like I have failed on this one. The poor thing doesn't really understand what is going to happen to her, even though I have explained step by step what they will do, she is almost excited which totally freaks me out, because you know once we get there she is going to panic and I am going to lose it. My anxiety all stems from a moment. A moment that will forever live in my heart and a few close friends of mine. In 2004, a close friend of mine lost her daughter. Nothing related to what Chloe is having done, she got sick and her little body wasn't able to fight back. I remember laying on the floor of the picu and vowing that I would never have children. I didn't ever want to see them hurting and I didn't ever want to be put in any situation where they would feel pain. Everytime that Chloe gets sick, I panic. Last May she was really sick and we had to go to the er, as she was laying in the little bed, I had to leave the room because I was a mess. In my head I know that she will be fine, but in my heart I hurt for what she is going through. I don't know if I will ever get over this, well I know that I will never get over it, but I am hopeful that I can work through this. I do have one thing that I know will pull me through and that is the Faith that I carry. I know that the Lord will never give me anything that I can't handle so I know that he has put me into this situation and He knows that I am capable of being strong for my little girl and that I am capable of smiling and laughing with her before she goes in. Now I am not saying that I won't crumble after she is in surgery. What mother wouldn't? but I will again regain my composure when I go to meet her in recovery and when I take care of her when I get home. I am hopeful. I am hopeful. xoxo